Nocial Necurity

The other day when the mail came, my heart started to race as usual. What kind of coupons might be waiting for me? Or tiny checks for hours spent doing surveys on facial moisturizers? Or samples I'd signed up to receive months ago and long since forgotten? Well, those things were there in the mail but so was my social security statement. In the past I've glanced at these statements and then filed them away in a dusty drawer. This time I really looked at it, or at least the part about my earnings. The statement basically documents, in one column, how much I've earned each year since I began working. I was disturbed and a little shocked to see how little it was. Actually it made me want to throw up a bit. I've never earned more than about, let's say, just under $30,000 a year. Now, I have a masters degree, for whatever that's worth. When I looked at that statement and saw the reality of it, it felt like a gut punch.

I know that there are many more important things than making money. The social security statement doesn't list time I've spent volunteering, or that I've worked in non-profits, or the awful, amazing time I spent with my family after my brother's death. But let's face it, money is charged. Most of us want more of it-- that's why we read and write blogs like this, right? And to perhaps oversimplify, there are two ways to have more money-- spend less, or earn more.

So this has really got me thinking about my "underearning" and why that might be. I haven't come up with any answers yet. Low self-esteem? Lack of ambition? The wrong personality type to follow a career path that would net me a big paycheck? The fact that I'm for the most part out of the workforce currently while I raise my little one complicates this even more.

I actually thought long and hard about even writing this, so ashamed I was about my underearning. But as they teach you in writing classes, or at least the good writing classes-- if you're feeling shame or other strong emotions-- write it. Somebody else is bound to relate. So, there it is. I'm Lynn and I'm an underearner. Anybody else?